So youre dating my ex
Often, hearing why a relationship ended can be as unpleasant as the end itself.
It can be useful to get an outsider perspective – or even a few – before doing anything. People you can trust and who you know will listen to you.
The fact that you broke up wasn't a failure on your part; things just didn't work out, and they might not work out with this new person either. People don't choose people based on checklists; each person will appeal to someone for a different reason. Your ex's new significant other is not your replacement.
Your ex moving on is not a testament to your inadequacy. Your relationship was unique and special and nothing can ever take away from that.
Sometimes, when a relationship ends, both of you feel that calling things to a close was the right thing to do.
This isn’t always the case though, if you didn’t want things to end and you still have very strong feelings for your ex it can be a real struggle to move on.
However, how quickly you get into a relationship isn't a measure of how desirable you are. It's not necessarily the most attractive or likable people who get into relationships the most easily.
Your ex just happened to stumble upon someone else before you did. When my ex first got a new girlfriend, I feared that it endangered the friendship we formed post-breakup.
We speak to a lot of people who are in this situation – particularly on our free online counselling service Live Chat.
If anything, it has helped me know that my friendships with exes were genuine and not ploys to get back together.
If you can confide in your ex about your current relationship, perhaps that's the ultimate sign you've moved on — to a friendship that's just as special.
If you feel like you and your ex can have an amicable discussion about the end of your relationship and that having this would be genuinely helpful, then there are circumstances when this can work.
But it can also mean putting yourself in a potentially painful position.
"Maybe she's just a friend," I thought — until I saw comments from her friends like "he's a cutie! With the first ex, I still relied on him for emotional support the way I did when we were dating, and seeing him with someone else made me wonder if we could still have as close a relationship.