Dating someone older than you bad
I grew up the only child of older parents (who are also 10 years apart), and often felt like an awkward old lady trapped inside a teeny-bopper’s body. I admit, I wasn’t as physically attracted to him as I had been to other partners. Have you ever seen a girl with a hideous boyfriend and thought, “Seriously, how the f$*k did he pull that off? Either he's just a nice friggin’ dude; or being with him boosts her self-confidence. In my case, the age gap was actually a cavernous black hole defying space and time. He’s old and sick now, and she takes care of him (even financially), but she’s still partying and sleeping around. I sometimes imagine what would have happened if I had stayed with my older man.
The last I heard, my older ex was in a tumultuous relationship with another 20-something, this time a singer reminiscent of Björk.
Even though this guy and I were 25 years apart, we had a lot in common. I didn't know then that our age gap would define the relationship. I got that; but even though I knew there was no future, I didn’t cut it off completely. After it ended, he talked to a lot of people about our relationship -- and what happened through the grapevine was unexpected. Women judged me as having an ulterior, economic motive: “She just dated him for his money,” or “She thought she could get ahead.” In our society people are so quick to judge a young, naïve woman -- never the older man who perhaps should’ve known better too.
We worked in the same profession, had similar interests, and shared common philosophical views. So what if he was wrinkly, in all the places you might expect? There was zero jealousy on both sides, and I never saw him check out another woman -- due to him being satisfied, of course, but also him being well-seasoned in how to respect the opposite sex. Another lesson in dating: a fling with someone in your professional/personal circle is more often than not bad news. I have a friend who’s been married to someone for more than a decade who is 20 years older than her.
On the first day of teaching at university my tutor had the whole year sit in a ring on the floor (it was a drama class, go figure) and say an interesting or unusual fact about ourselves.
We went around the circle, hearing variations on a theme: I went travelling on my gap year, I’m scared of spiders, my favourite film is Breakfast at Tiffany’s.
My ex, who I fell for completely to my own surprise, was more than thirty years older than me.I realised, once we’d been together for a few months, that even some of the most open minded of people still find large age gaps difficult to understand.I once had a nurse in a family planning clinic ask if I was being abused when I disclosed my partner’s age.I’m not saying that an age gap is an impossible thing to navigate.
Most of the bad things about my first relationship had nothing to do with the age difference.
But who knew a room full of arts students could be so easily shocked?